Chrissy Cannon Arm

I finally figured out what my "Super Hero Power" would be if I were blessed with one. It would be the ability to knock anyone out with one punch. Anyone. Pancho and I were discussing the details the other day, and they are as follows:

The person who is unfortunate enough to get punched by me would be unconscious immediately, however, they would come to within about 5 to 10 minutes. Pancho suggested that perhaps my hits could cause a 3 week coma, which would be amazing, however, I want my victim to still be in pain when they wake up.

My swing would be lightning fast, and the jackass I hit would never see it coming. Here Pancho had the excellent idea that my swing could be in super slow motion, and yet (because its a super power) the person would be unable to do anything to avoid it, they would just have to sit there and wait for impact. While this idea is both hilarious and awesome, I want my knock out to send a message to everyone in the immediate area: "BAM! Whos next?" Slow motion doesnt quite convey that.

Anyone hit by me would always be hit in the eye, and thus would have the gnarliest shiner anyone has ever seen. Im talking end-of-the-boxing-match, eye-swollen-shut-for-2-weeks shiner. Then, after the swelling goes down there would be another 2 week period of that yellow-y, blue and green, nasty-ass bruise healing phase. This would act as a neon sign that reads "I am an asshole who got called out on my shit" to anyone who sees this person within a month of me laying down the instant justice.

I would obviously have to have an excellent tattoo on my sleeper-punch arm. I decided that a cannon would be most appropriate. Coming in at a very close second and third were a cinder block and a sledge hammer.

Though it may seem obvious to some, its important to explain the general guidelines for use of this power. Everyone has been in those situations where there is some jackass acting like a complete asshole for no good reason (and no one there is doing shit about it); the only effective way to handle these situations is to speak to these people in a language they understand, the language of a coldcock to the face. Its a simple attitude adjustment method that would be carried out by me at will. As a skinny little white girl, this is something I've only been able to dream of. When stupid street kids or drunk-ass-jock-types get out of hand and make shitty comments to me or anyone else, there is normally nothing I can do about it and they know it.

Well, No longer! Justice would get laid down butterbean style.

Hell yeah...