I’ve become more interested in my own ego lately. It’s becoming clear that I need to be more aware of it and take better care of it. It seems like there is a delicate balance and a thin line between healthy self esteem and conceit. I’ve never had much of either. This is where alcohol comes into play, usually. It helps me fake it.
I have definitely upped the level of confidence I have in myself recently, but this is fluctuating.
Somewhat related is the revelation I had earlier today: I deserve to find someone who is absolutely crazy about me. Someone who knows without a doubt that they are totally lucky to have me in their life and would not jeopardize that. Other women will be the farthest thing from his mind and he will want to hang out and/or talk to me every day. I will be constantly on his mind.
This is my relationship manifesto. Like most manifestos, it sounds awesome in theory but will probably never materialize. What will materialize is my destiny to be the crazy cat lady in a muu muu, curlers and bunny slippers with a cigarette hanging out of my mouth yelling at the damn neighbor kids to get the fuck off my lawn.
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