Insatiable

(Or Ive had too much to drink and too much time to think)

That rhymed. Unintentional.

So recent events have caused me to have a bit of concern for the well being of the hearts of my friends. You know when you're watching a horror flick and the stupid girl is running right into the trap of the murderer? Well, its not like that in the sense that I think that any of my friends are stupid, but its akin to that helpless feeling of the outsiders perspective when you just want to shout "BEHIND YOU!" but no one can hear you.

Well, thats an analogy for one instance, anyway. And in this instance, I've effectively yelled "behind you!" and my warning has been heard, but under the circumstances, her curiosity of what is lurking in the dark is prevailing. This is brutal, but tolerable to witness because, after all, sometimes we all just gotta learn our own way. Its a good thing that she is more of the Jamie Lee Curtis type and less of the girl-who-gets-chopped-to-pieces-right-away-type.

I dont know if any of this makes any sense to anyone but me right now.

In other news, there is trouble in paradise for two of my friends who are having problems so similar to the problems that Pancho and I were having that its almost eerie. Of course, I was not able to see this before they got to the point of breaking up, but now that its happened I find myself wishing I couldve seen it coming and had the foresight to help them through it.

Ive been reflecting on these recent events, and I think the reason I am so desperate to prevent anyone from going through that sort of thing and feeling what I felt is because I know exactly the many, many months and agonising days and nights that are ahead of them.

This is pain I would wish on no one.

Alas, there is nothing I can do to force my will on my dear friends. Even screaming "BEHIND YOU!" into thier faces could not prepare them, or prevent them from going through what they are about to endure.

Is it worse to endure the pain of learning "the hard way" yourself; or to watch your friends endure it, wanting desperately to advise them out of harms way, helplessly - like witnessing a train wreck in slow motion?

And when does the heart get stronger? When do I stop feeling like a 17 year old girl on the verge of a fatal heartache at all times?

I should sleep...