So I played pretty decent pool last night and still managed to lose both of my matches. I was paired up against higher ranked players and I put up a good fight, so Im pleased with the results even though I didnt win. For some strange reason I was feeling extremely hungover all day yesterday (I didnt have much to drink on Monday night and I ate a big pasta dinner and went to bed fairly early) so I was glad that I had a percoset and some whiskey to help me make it through the night. It turns out that percoset can really help my pool game as it relaxes me enough to focus on my shots and take my time. The thing that is not helpful is trying to decide with a drugged up cloudy head which shots make more sense and which shots are just crazy. I think I managed to attempt only the ones that made sense.
The Man I was dating (the bald, tattooed baseball player) walked into my bar the other day and completely destroyed all of the progress I had made getting over him. He walked straight up to me and hugged me, smelling of his cologne and his house. Olfaction and memory are a powerful combination. In that one hug was his bed, cuddling on the couch, long make-out sessions and heart to heart talks. Being in his arms like that reminded me of our first kiss. I almost had to run out of there and not stop until my heart was immune to him, but I couldnt. All I could do was put on a fake smile and ask him how he'd been.
We'd only dated very briefly - 2 months maybe - but I'd let him in. For whatever reason I totally let my guard down and let him in and now I cant get him out. Id gotten to that fatal place girls go when they start imagining a future with someone too soon, and for me to admit defeat and come to terms with not getting what I want is unfortunately not at all easy for me to do. It isnt just that, though - I liked him. A lot.
I apologised for not texting or calling him since we'd broken up and told him that I had just wanted to get over him before contacting him, and that it wasnt because I didnt want to be friends. He said he understood and told me not to worry about it - that he would be there whenever I was ready - and then he called me babe and it was almost too much so I ended the conversation there.
I'd had a crush on him for about a year prior to dating him. That does weird things to a persons perception of who people really are. It kindof slowly raises them up and places them on a pedestal that they may or may not deserve to be on. And taking them down from that pedestal can be extremely tough. Unfortunately, he is still up there and Im still waiting to be ready to take him down.
xo
3 comments:
Hm. I hope it's okay that I hate him. I understand how you feel. Many a fool who didn't appreciate me whom I would still get in bed with on certain nights if there'd be heart to hearts too. Hate this baseball player though, still hate.
Find something that you are passionate about and focus on that. Don't think about anything else but that passion, and the boys will come flocking.
Its ok that you hate him. I cant though. While I dont think he fully appreciated me, I am glad that he was honest with me about not thinking the timing for us was right fairly early on, and not letting it drag out for months.
Seeing him around the neighborhood sucks, though. I wish he'd move. Secretly I wish he would realize what a mistake he was making walking away from me so easily, and want to win me back, but that is a pipe dream. And I shouldnt want that anyway.
Being dumb is getting less and less fun... ha!
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