Oh, life

...how you confuse me.

So things are coming full circle. Chris (the ex) has called and reached out to reconcile and apologize. He moves to NY tomorrow and didnt want to leave things on a bad note. In the end, Im relieved that he did this. Being cut out of his life so suddenly made me feel disposable and his effort to undo that is greatly appreciated.

Friday night I was enjoying life. I had just spent the day on the river with some of my best pals, relaxing and swimming and drinking and doing less. Afterward, a shower and a nap were in order. Feeling rejuvenated, I got slightly dolled up and headed to my bar, pool cue in hand. After what could have been a much more impressive warm-up game, I proceeded to stomp everyone that stepped to the pool table. Including two dudes who play in the same league as I do, one of which captains his own team. By the end of the night he was telling me that he would pay me to leave my team for his. Not gonna happen, but flattering nonetheless.

So after Kelly ends my reign of terror, I am outside enjoying a celebratory cigarette when, out of nowhere, The Baseball Player walks up looking quite dolled up himself. I am never ready for encounters with him, but I remain calm and hug him and say hello. He tells me that he was hoping he would find me there and asks me if I will play pool with him. I am immediately intrigued, as he will RARELY ever play pool with me. We go inside and he offers to buy me a drink. I accept and he is flirting heavily. He buys me another and is happily deflecting jealous boys who I have recently defeated on the pool table and were hoping for some flirting time of their own. He tells me that my avoidance has been hurting his feelings. I admit that I am not over him, and that being around him is not easy. He tells me that he is not over me either, has not stopped thinking about me the entire time we've been broken up and hasnt been with anyone else. He tells me that he never wanted to break up with me, but didnt know what else to do because he was afraid he couldnt make me happy. I am stunned. He asks me if he can walk me home. I tell him that I dont think its a good idea. He suggests that I walk with him to his house, get the t-shirts that got left there during the time we dated, that we have a talk and then I can go home if I want. I tell him that if I go home with him and anything ends up happening, that it cant be "just a thing" because I still have a lot of feelings for him. I reiterate this several times. He tells me that he doesnt want "just a thing". We go to his house. We talk. I leave in the morning without my sweater (I cannot go over there without losing an article of clothing).

Walking home I am giving myself a "you can handle this" pep-talk and reminding myself to have very low expectations of him calling that day, or things going smoothly and taking a turn for the magical. Later that day, I attend a fabulous fucking birthday party and give my phone to Kelly to avoid getting drunk and calling and/or texting him. He calls and texts. He wants to hang out again - soon.

So, for now, I am excited, but remaining cautious. Im at the "we'll see what happens" spot. Alexis's all over the world are not approving. :)

Ugh, I wanted to gossip about the Daisy of Love finale, but I need to get to bed.

x's and o's.