Oh boo

efore you start believing in miracles or thinking that Ive gotten this whole relationship thing figured out, let me correct you by informing you that I havent. It isnt that I expect that someday a relationship will be "perfect" and that there are trouble-free times ahead, or anything, its just that one day I'd like things to make sense more often. Like I wouldnt hear things come out of my boyfriends mouth that sound completely foreign, or like they are about someone who is definitely not me. Am I oblivious to my own actions? I like to think Im not. I know for damn sure that I have done a lot of very painful growing in my life and have had more conversations about what an asshole I've been at certain times than Im proud to admit to. Let me just say that learning how to initiate those conversations without being prompted to is some really hard, tail-between-the-legs shit. "I fucked up and Im sorry" is sometimes the LAST thing people are willing to say - rarely ever the first.

Sometimes I just feel like people get to a point in relationships where they treat them like jobs they are only willing to be just good enough at to not get fired. Because they are too lazy to find a better job, or they need the benefits, or whatever. Like theres this point of complacency that they've reached and they kind of trap the other person in there with them. Im not saying that this a point Im at, Im just saying that Ive seen it too many times before and Im wary of it.

I guess I focus a lot on whats "fair" in a relationship and at this point Im starting to wonder if thats even obtainable, ever. Or maybe whatever my idea of fair is is completely off track with whoever Im dating at the time's ideas of fair are because they rarely ever reconcile. Oddly, my ideas reconcile with my friends' ideas pretty fucking often though.

Oh boo. Relationships are difficult. Really, Chrissy? You are the first person to ever have this notion! I guess I am too old for a "Life isnt fair!" tantrum.

Im hungry. xo