Hello Again

ot that Im expecting that anyone still reads this thing, but I am back.

After catching up a little on This Lovely Blog, I am inspired to write my own again. Alexis never disappoints in the ol' inspiration department.

So, the truth is that Ive neglected this damn blog far too long and a complete update is just not feasible at this point, so I will bring you up to speed in the quickest way possible (or, more likely, I will elaborate on only the things I care to elaborate on at this moment).

Seamus and I are happier than ever. As I reach thirty (years old - if you must know), I feel like Im entering a phase in life where I can finally exhale and relax in a relationship. We are passed the one year mark and I feel like we've worked through issues that we had in the beginning and that is helping us to communicate and prevent any major new issues from forming. One thing I truly love about our relationship is that I feel like Seamus is one of the only people I've been close to that doesnt judge me negatively when I screw up. Its like his initial reaction to my fuck-ups is "yep, been there" even if he hasnt been EXACTLY there, he has, as a human, been in that "oops" place and is incredibly humble because of it. Because of this I feel like I can be more completely honest with him than I have ever been with anyone. Im not afraid of being vulnerable to him because I know he doesnt take it lightly. I only hope I can be the same to him.

School has been put on hold for the pursuit of employment. The gravy train pulled into its final destination and unfortunately, I was unprepared. This caused a (not) brief (enough) moment of panic and a switch in priority in order to survive. After a long and arduous hunt for a job, employment has been secured - and in fact, I think I found the job I was meant to have at this time in my life (whatever that means - at any rate, this job makes sense for me right now). So, my education will continue now that this has been taken care of.

The job - I am a receptionist at a small, family owned business. I feel like this is a smart move for me because being at a reception desk is usually a cake walk for me - however this particular reception desk is busier than most at the beginning and end of each month and does require a great deal of multi-tasking skills. But, I try to keep in mind that this is a plus for me as I should stay in the habit of being challenged constantly. Being in a lull tends to not be a positive thing for me at work. If Im challenged, then Im productive and interested and not bored and hating every second of life spent at work.

On life and people and the coming year - this year Im making a resolution for the first time in a long time. Actually, I cant remember the last resolution I made because I dont usually take them seriously enough to make them in the first place. But this year, Im making a promise to myself. The promise has multiple parts: the first is that I WILL get into shape. Most of my life I havent had to work at staying any certain weight or size, but those days are gone. Whatever has happened to me psychologically over the last year that has caused (or allowed) me to gain weight must be over. Mostly I just want to fit into my clothes and look in the mirror and recognise myself again. Also, working out raises energy levels and I sure could use some of that right now. The second part of the promise is that I will continue to pursue my education as diligently as before, even though I will have to work full time in the process. My original time line for graduation has gone out the window, but my goal of getting there most certainly has not. The last part of my promise is that I will become less flaky and more reliable as a friend and relative. I dont want to be thought of as that girl that no one can depend on. The difficult part about this is to find a balance between being reliable and being a crutch for people.

I dont want to say "this is the year I get my shit together" because that sounds like a sure fire way to keep from actually getting my shit together, but I do want to focus on some improvements I could definitely make. Will power and self control would be nice. I feel like Im within reach of them.

On a random note (because random notes are always fun) - I learned today that I am one year older than the Atari game Pole Position. This made me feel strangely old because for some reason I'd always assumed that I was way younger than that game. This and the fact that my sister is finally entering years that I can more closely relate to (she will be 20 next month), and remembering this or that when I was that age and thinking that was 10 years ago and wondering what the hell Ive done since then... I realize I need to focus more on where Im going than where Ive been. I look back way too often when I should be looking forward.

I think that will be the mantra of this year.

xoxo