Ouch.

or the second day in a row I am feeling hung over from a pretty binge-drinking-like weekend. Of course, I am feeling much MUCH better today than I was yesterday, but I am by no means 100%. I didnt used to beat myself up over these occasions - in fact, in my first blog, I bragged about them openly - but Im getting to the point where I look back on them with a little shame. And this makes me wonder if I should be feeling ashamed or regretful, or if I should just cut myself some slack. My problem with that is that Im usually pretty bad at cutting myself too much slack and then really beating myself up for it later.

I guess Ive reached this stage in my life where part of me wants to hang on to my youthful partying ways and part of me wants to let them go. The ratio of one to the other is increasingly uneven in favor of letting them go. Which I think should be the correct progression, but its still a strange thing to experience. And particularly now, while paying the price for a hard partying weekend, the allure of my grown-up nights spent cuddling on the couch with a glass of wine after a nice home-cooked dinner, going to bed early and waking rested, seems stronger than ever.

Interesting, too, is the fact that when super drunk, I often end up reminiscing about achievements I made when Pancho and I quit drinking for a year and a half. Not the achievement of quitting drinking for that long, but things I accomplished in my professional life during that time. Im wondering if I would have capitalized on those opportunities as well as I did if I were drinking at that time as well.

At any rate, what I would really like is to grow into a happy medium. Where I can feel good about allowing myself some slack, and also feel like I am accomplishing my goals. I hope Im on the right track to end up there.


xo