Know what?

I’m getting to a point where my body just won’t put up with half of the shit I try to do to it. Despite my good intentions of not falling into a destructive pattern (which is my MO after a breakup) I’ve been on a month long bender and right now my body is declaring that it’s had enough.
Something about a breakup makes me less confident in who I am and I need more alcohol than usual to loosen up or relax. I wish I didn’t need that kind of validation from another person and more importantly, I wish I didn’t seek it from a bottle when there isn’t a person there. Why am I not better adjusted? When will life start to make sense? I definitely need TONS of therapy.
Anyway so my body is revolting against me and I’m sitting at my desk, willing myself to stay well enough to last a few more hours at work because I’ve missed way too much work lately. My boss isn’t even here today, but bosses always have this sort of ominous presence and you know that even though they aren’t “here”, they’re here. I would make a terrible manager because I just don’t care enough about what other people are doing.
In other news the weather in Portland has been absolutely beautiful and I’ve done almost nothing out in it.
What I really need is a hammock. Clearly.