Didn’t get to sleep last night until about 2am and woke up at 5am unable to go back to sleep. This lack of sleep makes the rest of my life hell – so hard to focus or get motivated. My appetite is also freaking the fuck out. Some days I can hardly eat, some days I can’t eat enough. Ah, anxiety – if you were a person I would punch you in the face.
Have I mentioned how much I fucking love Married to the Sea? Jesus tits its awesome. Seriously, spend a few minutes in the archives, I GUARANTEE you will find the funniest shit you’ve seen in a while.
I had this theory while feeling particularly sorry for myself that I just may be the girl no one keeps. What’s becoming alarming about this theory is that I formed it years and years ago and here I am. Still un-kept. Perhaps my theory is working against me in my subconscious and as long as I THINK I am the girl no one keeps, I WILL be. Who the fuck knows. It isn’t as though I am the only “un-kept” person on this god forsaken planet. Divorce rates are at like 50% now or some shit and the idea of good old fashioned love is becoming more and more skewed in the minds of most everyone, I think. People are different now and values have changed. Is it that we expect more out of each other? Do we consider each other easily replaceable? Are we too lazy and/or self centered to maintain and nurture and grow a relationship forever? Are we unable to give up our insatiable appetite for instant gratification even for love? Are we all just a bunch of assholes?
2 comments:
Oh hi - I read your blog now! I love it.
I'm sorry you're having a break-up now. They suck and take more recovery time than you wish they did and the worst part is the exhaustion if you ask me.
If I can contribute, which maybe I can't - sorry if you don't want contributions- You can think whatever mean toughts to yourself you want -- it's annoying when people tell you how or how not to think. Not just annoying but actually wrong, in my opinion of right and wrong.
However, you're wrong, not morally wrong, but incorrect, I think, with the "maybe I'm subconciously making myself the unkept girl by telling myself I am" thing. I mean, you're definitely as keepable or unkeepable as anybody else! I think you're trying to be constructive by analyzing what you do and what you say to yourself, but I just think all that kind of stuff: "Actually you did this to yourself with the way you THINK TO YOURSELF" is false thinking caused by psychology infiltrating popular culture and not based in the real psychology/ true story of the individual. You probably tell yourself all sorts of things about yourself - some positive and some negative - but if it were as simple as you become what you tell yourself you are, I don't know... I'm losing my thought because you kind of do become what you tell youself you are... but okay here's what I mean: since someone else has to keep you or not keep you, what you tell yourself about keepableness has nothing to do with what they do. In this case, what you told yourself had nothing to do with what he was or wasn't going to do.
Also, you are awesome. I enjoy your blog so much. I am allergic to cats, but you make them look and sound un-hateful. And there are a lot of other things i like about it.
I hope some nice things happen to you today and I hope we hang out if you ever visit NY for some reason.
-A
Alexis -
This is so exciting! I actually recently discovered the link to your blog on KFR and nearly read the entire thing! I think that *you* are awesome! You inspired me to get back to using this thing properly and stop with the half-assed lists.
Thanks so much for your kind words and someday when I am in the Big City we will most definitely hang out!
xoxo
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