25 things about stuff

Ok, so I told Alexis that I couldnt do this, but I just loved her post so much that Im going to try.

25 Things About Me:

1. My dad, grandfather and uncle are all champion fast-draws. I learned how to shoot a rifle at a very young age and was a damn good shot. I used to love shooting flowers off their stems (which is the least little-girly thing I can think of!) and I hope that I can still do that though I am doubtful.

2. My brother taught me how to spell, swim, roller skate and ride a bike. If I ever get married I have asked him to give me away in lieu of our father.

3. I once faked that trick where you tie a knot in a cherry stem with your tongue to impress a boy. Pathetic!

4. In high school I went to two different Christian youth groups both because of boys I liked. One was the youth group leader. I never had any good ideas as a teenager.

5. I have an insane imagination and use it constantly. Usually I am imagining myself in a better life where I am perfect and gorgeous and know random shit like Kung Fu and am fluent in foreign languages. Also I am usually rich. And people conduct very interesting interviews with me because I am fascinating.

6. I do not understand what all the Scott Bayo rage is about. He seems like a douche.

7. In high school I had the most age inappropriate crush on Robert De Niro and had movie marathons constantly. My favorite was Heat. I still love that movie but when I reflect on that crush I think to myself "Huh. What a weird little kid I was."

8. I am way more clever via text message than I am in real life.

9. I almost never remember jokes. I have the memory of a goldfish anyway, but jokes never stay long. My favorite one right now (ok the only one I can remember) is: Whats the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb? You can unscrew a light bulb.

10. I can sit and draw on a computer (using the most primitive tool - MS Paint) endlessly. ENDLESSLY. If someone would pay me to do this life would be perfect. The catch is that I would only draw things I want to draw.

11. I used to be a hopeless romantic. Now I am a jaded cynic. Even so, I just love boys. Even the idea of them. Strange creatures.

12. I am allergic to Aloe Vera Gel and I found this out the hard way (is there an easy way to find out you are allergic to something?) when I was a kid. My brother and I had rented a pedal boat and spent an entire day in the dead of a California summer pedaling round Azusa Canyon with no sunscreen on. Even though I have very fair skin, at the time - living in LA - my skin was quite used to sun exposure. Being on the water all day, though, did not help. I got pretty badly sun burned and put a generous amount of Aloe Vera Gel all over my legs. Then the itching started followed shortly by tears, calamine lotion, a vinegar bath and eventually, a trip to the ER. The doctor gave me some sort of medicated cream and I have avoided Aloe Vera Gel like the plague ever since.

13. Being in an inter-racial relationship is something I think everyone should HAVE to do. It is the closest thing to walking in another persons shoes. Truly eye opening.

14. I fucking LOVE cooking. I always have. When I was little I used to make horrifying concoctions in the kitchen at like 3am. My mom hated that. The actual process of cooking is my favorite thing about it. The food is a sweet ass bonus, but cooking is the shit! My salmon in dill and caper sauce was so delicious that Garnett ate some and she hates salmon. MY salmon is the only salmon shes ever liked! That is awesome.

15. I never tire of hearing the words “President Obama.” Every time someone says it I smile inside.

16. My cat snores and its like instant happy for me no matter what mood Im in when she starts. Also Im pretty sure her purring, when done while laying on me, is physically capable of curing an upset stomach. She is magic.

17. I almost never use apostrophes. Is that annoying?

18. Nothing ever happens on accident. Things happen BY accident. That is probably my most retarded pet peeve.

19. If I ever meet Bill Gates and he doesnt give me any money I am going to tear him a new asshole for inventing Microsoft Word and Excel. These two things contain literal EVIL.

20. Ive never broken a bone. Im pretty sure that, much in the same way I tarnished my perfect driving record with the mother of all driving offenses – a DUI, I will break them all at once eventually.

21. I discovered recently that my best friend of 13 years has two of the most gorgeous boobies I have ever seen. Shes had them this whole time!

22. I might be a hypochondriac.

23. This thing is turning into “Confessions of One Crazy Ass Broad” isnt it? Embarrassing.

24. Oh god is there more stuff about me? Oh um, the Chicken Shawarma at Habibi downtown is so fucking good I could live on it forever. I would eat it every day if I could.

25. One more one more one more. Um…. Oh! I am the biggest wimp when it comes to scary movies. I absolutely hate them. Ive always been of the opinion that life is scary enough and that I don’t particularly need to add any extra scary for no good reason at any time.

Holy crap. I actually had to take a break from writing this. Im pretty sure that if you read it, you need a break from life right now, so Im sorry I did that to you.

xo