esterday I said in an email “basically, I need to get my head out of the clouds. Yay Adulthood.”

Then I thought about it.

I guess I struggle with that a lot, having my head in the clouds. I feel like maybe I should be more… present? Im often day dreaming or drifting off in thought about what I want to come next rather than experiencing the present.

Anyway I guess I feel like if “adulthood” is having your head out of the clouds then I never want to grow up. It sounds awful. I mean, I want to do adult things like have a career and a house and a family, but I always want life to be a thing that I view as full of dreamy possibilities, and not always be so… practical… about everything.

Maybe that’s something that just kind of happens to a person though, as they go through life and become slowly more jaded. You start realizing that life isn’t dreamy, its shit.

But that isn’t a fair assessment either. I hope.

I’ve been hanging out with some kids that are several years younger than me and maybe its maternal instinct or maybe its just natural, but I feel inclined to offer them guidance. And, while I do, every now and then, offer guidance (when its asked of me), I make sure to preface it with “well, this is my experience and I in no way recommend it for anyone at any time” because Im basically a living set of guidelines for what not to do most of the time, so I feel like someone should be learning from my mistakes if its clearly not going to be me.

The astonishing part is that I’ve fucked up and done it wrong so many times, and yet I seem to finally be headed in a good direction with my life. I mean, I’ve probably been headed in a good direction for some time, but have made many, many terrible pit stops along the way, and maybe what is happening now is that Im taking fewer and fewer pit stops.

In other news, the weather is beautiful today and nothing makes me want to say “fuck it all” and enjoy a day of irresponsibility more than that.

xoxo