Its business time

Excerpt from an email to Kelly:

"I do need time to get my head on straight though and that's my plan. I’m gonna spend the night in, reflecting and shit. I’m so weird because I need a lot of time alone to process things in my head and in my heart so that I know what is truly going on and what I truly should be doing. It takes me a while to really listen to myself and I have a hard time hearing myself when I’m around other people. I don't know. I’m crazy.

Also I need time to let my heart break a little so I can start getting the eff over stuff."

That basically sums up the last couple months for me. I thoroughly grossed myself out yesterday while talking to a co-worker only in cliché’s after I said all of the following:
"This too shall pass"
"Breaking up is hard to do"
"I'll survive"

Gross! It’s like I say stupid shit just to get by with meaningless conversations in lieu of actually sharing with another human being what the fuck is really going on. In my defense I don’t know this person very well and I just wanted him to stop pitying me. Do I look like a person that needs pity? Am I the only person on Earth who has ever been dumped? No. Relax people.
Or maybe I should relax. Either way its clear that some relaxin needs to be going on and that is my plan for the weekend. Saturday is pretty packed with plans of socializing but Im really hoping to keep it at that. I need tonight and Sunday to gain my sanity and to make a decent attempt at ending this depressed self-loathing state I've been in for too long.
Kevin said something to me about a month ago that I can’t get out of my head. He said "You always have a boyfriend." Not cool! I think the thing that bothers me most is that he is pretty much right and that can’t be good. I mean, who am I really? I need to figure this out.