Ok, so everyone has heard that Portland is having all time record breaking high temperatures. All time record breaking. It hasnt been this hot here in over 200 years. Fucking great.
Weather wise, this year has been pretty fucking extreme. In the winter, we were all snowed in for a week, with more snowfall in the Portland area than I've seen in my 15 years here. Now, Im hiding out at my moms house and taking advantage of her central AC because it was too hot to sleep at 7:00 this morning. I havent slept in 4 days. Im delirious.
All of the ass kicking Ive been doing in 9-ball has moved my ranking up. This is a double edged sword because, while its good to progress, now I'll have to get more points to win matches. Is a complicated and confusing system that I cannot explain in this mental state.
There is something that I did not take into consideration before getting my most recent tattoo and that is that people are fucking nosy when it comes to tattoos. I dont get it. Its usually people who dont have tattoos that ask all the same stupid questions about them. I've recited the verse on my arm countless times and Im afraid Im going to get sick of it. People stand staring at my arm, trying to read it and its awkward and annoying. Then other people ask me to just tell them what it says. I dont think Ive ever done this to anyone. "Hey whats that tattoo you've got there?" "What does it say?" "What does it mean?" I dont generally give a fuck about other people's tattoos and what they say or mean. Obviously they mean something to the person who has them and that is none of my business. Perhaps I would discuss tattoos with my friends but I certainly never bug strangers about them. I certainly dont touch strangers' clothing trying to get a better look at them. This has seriously happened to me.
Ive decided to come up with some cliffs notes versions of what my tattoo says that will get my point across:
Stranger: "Hey what does your tattoo say?"
Me: "Its an ancient secret recipe for a giant bowl of get the fuck away from me."
Me: "Its a very detailed description of how I will fuck your face up if you dont go the fuck away."
Me: "Its a list of every Eskimo word for fuck off."
Me: "Its directions to your moms house."
...I need a nap.
6 comments:
Dude, been there.
It would be *okay* if it only happened at parties or semi-social situations, but it seems like most of the time it's at, say, the grocery store. When one wants produce, not self-justification.
Yeah, well I spend a lot of time playing pool in bars, so I get it there CONSTANTLY. But, I also get it randomly everywhere else. Parks, drive thrus, waiting rooms, everywhere.
OMG Chrissy - you mention big pimpin on facebook and I gotta tell you about how I got in a fucking fight at Tavern on the Green last night (eventhough I'm dying right now and am trying to kill the day and not vomit at the old office by doing no more than reading the internet and leaking tears slightly... just waiting to go home... but I should tell you about this) Okay so not too surprisingly Thursday night Tavern on The Green parties are just, like, "A Safe Place for Douchebags to be Douchebags Together" (I'm picturing like primary colored handprints in fingerpaint around the also primary colored douchebag icon, which is either an actual douchebag or a bro/brah - you know) so there's that, and that's fine. But then we, me and my freind R, come back from getting high on this rock, and the music is so bad... it is actaully the thong song. So I am nice and sweet and ask about "That's Not My Name" and I'm singing it for the Dj and he's nodding and smiling and winking like he's gonna play it and then not making eye contact - universal DJ for I got you, and now I'm very busy, uh, actually just listening to this song just exactly like you are but we must keep up these appearances... And so I find our little group and I tell them that it seems like he will play it, but 10 more minutes of thong song and we ask him - so are you going to play it - and I tell him it's the Ting Tings and he has never heard of that. That's just crazy but also that means that all this winking at me before when i asked him was a pretending on purpose thing... anyhow my coworker says "What about" something? And I'm like "Or Jay-Z?" and This DJ Says, "No Jay-Z. That stuff is too trashy. I don't play that trash"
So I flip him off all "Fuck you." and maybe even a little "Can you hear me motherfucker? Fuck you."
Thong song is still playing.... I know that seems impossible but exxtending the thong Song for over twenty minutes is this guys one talent if you can call it that.
He is preening and complaining to security about me.
I decide that I need to remove myself from the situation on my own when I hear "Stupid motherfucking Albanian" exiting my mouth. I don't even know what I mean and I should go find the $5 hotdogs.
The end.
But can you believe that????????? This Eurotrash motherfucker called Jay-Z trashy in NEW YORK. I'm v. outraged still. I hope he heard me call him Albanian.
oh p.s. "getting high on this rock" was sitting on a rock in central Park, not, you know, smoking a rock of crack. ha ha... you know... incidentally! hahahaha
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